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Gutfeld: The Tyranny of Cool

…So what is perceived as cool, when it’s really the opposite?

– Bureaucrats spawned in teacher’s lounges chiseling at your income, to the cheers of a pliant media
– Creating dependency as a romantic lifestyle, independent of achievement
– Ridiculing women, minorities, and gays who reject the culture of dependency
– Fake work that doesn’t require building, moving or doing things. In 2008, a community organizer beat a war hero who spent years in a prison camp. Apparently that’s cool.
– Movements that reject American values in favor of American guilt (Occupy)
– Anti-Americanism as a needy appeasement to our international adversaries
– Hero worship of celebrities based on artificial edginess (Johnny Depp is not really a pirate)
– Destroying things. Did Pete Townsend ever think of the maid as he trashed his 25th hotel room?
– Victimhood. The elevation of the David and Goliath myth as a universal storyboard dictating that evil can be good, as long as it’s smaller than the good. If America was a house, the left would root for the termites.
– Code words. Language that aptly describes things is uncool. However, euphemisms created to avoid hurting the feelings of our adversaries is not. Hence, Ft. Hood terror is workplace violence. Which, I guess that makes Hurricane Sandy a pool party.
– Talking about your identity. If you’re gay, bisexual, transgendered, Raelian, or Eskimo, chances are I’ll hear about it. If you are less proud of what you do than who you do then you’re considered cool.

Where does the tyranny of the cool begin?

As soon as you realize being cool pays off. When you’re a kid. In classrooms across the country, kids are learning to gain favor from teachers and peers, and the elevation of “pretend-caring” as a function of cool gets you grades and girls. Stretch this over a decade or so into college, and it’s no wonder the streets are flooded with beta males who talk from the back of their throats as they bowl in Brooklyn — ironically.

The cool’s hold on society’s throat is seen everywhere. Remember that Jon Stewart rally a few years back; that was a celebration of the cool over the uncool (the uncool being the Glenn Beck rallies, the Tea Party, FNC watchers). The cool owns the film industry, as villains take on intriguing personalities, while anyone with a blackberry or a briefcase is considered worse than evil — uncool.

Being pro-choice is cool. Speculating too much on what abortion really means — that’s way uncool.

It reminds me of my old joke. “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “You’ll never know.”

Not cool.

Assorted slugs on death row are cool; their victims are uncool — for never really getting over it.

Sometimes coolness can be confusing. Nobody smokes in LA. But they all do in movies. Somehow smoking is cool, only if you’re already cool. When you see a truck driver or a postman smoking, the tolerant break out the phony cough. They’d never do that around Brad Pitt.

Being political is cool, as long as it’s progressive. Conservatives by nature hate politics and politicians. Liberals love it, because it makes them feel cool. Talk to any liberal friend, and they’re running for office when they’re running their mouth. “I must tell you about the bake sale we had for the Guatemalan water snake.” No you don’t, but you will. Shut up.

Immigration as an idea is cool neutral. But discussing the definition of a border? Uncool, dude. Sure, other countries have them (the ones people are fleeing from); but discussing the possibility of an American border is smeared as racist in origin — the ultimate in uncool. I’m probably racist for writing that.

Who pushes the cool? The media, of course, who seeks to portray anything traditional as silly, dorky, and outmoded. The stuff that worked, apparently, is stupid, because it worked. Witness how the media mocked a gentle mess like the Tea Party but embraced the soiled rag of Occupy Wall Street. To the network and newspaper hacks, one was simply way cooler than the other. One reminded them of their parents, the other reminded them of themselves. Without a bath.

Why is this duopoly, the cool vs. the uncool, so important? It won an election. Showbiz beat substance. Style creamed success. This happens in a culture that salivates over youth, glamour, and glibness. Fashion has no use for Mitts.

The funny thing about cool? It’s not cool. At all. In fact, what’s truly cool is the rebellion against the perceived, predictable rebellion of the cool.

Why aren’t conservatives cool? Why are they perceived as intolerant when it’s the other side who are truly the hateful ones? It’s a fair question.

We have the cool message. It’s “Step off.” Or, for you old schoolers, “don’t tread on me,” which applies domestically and internationally. It’s not cool to have a government intrude into every aspect of your life, under the guise of “help.” The new electorate must learn this, or we are doomed…

More via Breitbart Exclusive – Gutfeld: Conservatives Must Fight the Tyranny of Cool

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2 Comments on “Gutfeld: The Tyranny of Cool”


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