Advertisements

New Forced-Retirement Community Opens For Local 60-Year-Olds

senior center

TAMPA, FL—Offering a “safe and friendly environment” for newly jobless older residents, the Pine Meadows Forced-Retirement Community opened its doors Friday to local 60-year-olds who have been hastily ousted from their workplaces by downsizing. “We here at Pine Meadows are proud to welcome all of you who aren’t quite in your golden years, but who nevertheless have no choice but to accept that your productive days are suddenly a thing of the past,” said facility director Phil Garsten at the grand opening, noting that the community offers a variety of residence and meal packages at price ranges to suit any substandard severance package. “Our facility offers satellite television, fully equipped game and exercise rooms, nightly social activities, and dozens of other entertaining diversions from the ignominious disgrace you’ve suffered after decades of thankless service to your former employer…”

“..And our attentive staff is ready around the clock to listen to you try to make sense of how things could have ended up like this.” Garsten added that the facility also features its own replica office environment, where residents can perform basic work tasks during the day to make them feel as if their lives still retain some semblance of purpose.

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

One Comment on “New Forced-Retirement Community Opens For Local 60-Year-Olds”

  1. […] Pundit from another Planet TAMPA, FL—Offering a “safe and friendly environment” for newly jobless older […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.