BREAKING: Sportscaster Bob Costas is a Zombie, Reports ConfirmPosted: February 11, 2014 | |
“The evidence has been hard to ignore. To many Zombie experts, it’s no longer just a theory, our findings are now conclusive.”
NBC Sports host Bob Costas will sit out Tuesday’s primetime coverage on NBC, sticking to the cover story that he has “eye infections” in both eyes. Costas began to promote the “infection in his left eye”, disinformation campaign, now that it’s spread to his right eye, experts are increasingly confident that Bob Costas is, unfortunately, a confirmed Zombie.
“It’s only a matter of time before he’ll need to be captured and placed under permanent supervision…”
“The evidence has been hard to ignore. To many Zombie experts, it’s no longer just a theory, our findings are now conclusive.” Said Dr. Benjamin Hendricks, Director of the American Center for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies, in Baltimore, Maryland. “It’s only a matter of time before he’ll need to be captured and placed under permanent supervision…” Adding that no treatment is available for his condition, Dr. Hendricks declined to go on the record about what final measures might need to be taken. “It doesn’t look good,” he said.
On Monday night’s primetime coverage of the Olympics, Costas was having problems resisting the temptation to attack fellow members of the press, use his hands and teeth to rip the flesh of nearby uninfected humans, and eat brains.
Today show host Matt Lauer–having demonstrated no symptoms of infectious exposure– will take Costas’ place.
As the AP notes, “Though zombie broadcasters aren’t uncommon in some news and sports divisions, no undead broadcaster has anchored a prime-time summer or winter Olympic broadcast in the U.S., and we will do our best to keep it that way, for everyone’s safety.”
- Bob Costas Sidelined by Eye Infection (abcnews.go.com)
- Bob Costas’ Red Eyes Get The Night Off From Olympics (blacksportsonline.com)
- Newswire: Bob Costas’ gross eyes are taking the night off from the Olympics (avclub.com)
- Bob Costas’ Eye Infection Forces Host to Be Temporarily Replaced by Matt Lauer (bleacherreport.com)
- Matt Lauer to Fill in For Bob Costas During Winter Olympics Primetime Coverage Tonight (tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com)
- Matt Lauer replaces Bob Costas for Olympic coverage (fox5sandiego.com)
- 2014 Olympics: Matt Lauer to fill in for infection-fighting Bob Costas – VIDEO (insidetv.ew.com)
- Bob Costas will sit out Olympics tonight (laobserved.com)