White House Officials: ‘Very Significant’ Immigration Executive Actions Needed for the ‘Survival of the Democratic Party’Posted: July 26, 2014
From The Butcher’s Notebook: White House officials said on Friday that President Barack Obama will enact “very significant” executive actions on immigration at the end of summer, “not because it’s good for America, but because it’s essential for the survival of the Democratic party.”
“American voters are beginning to figure out that progressive policies don’t work, because they’re not designed to work. There’s only so long we can get away with this before voters rebel, and special interest groups stop donating money. We can’t change American’s minds about this. We can’t win the argument, so we have to change the voters,” said a Democratic campaign official, speaking informally, on the condition of anonymity. “Can we get another drink over here?”
“The president assured us that pissing off Republicans is personally more important to him than policy success.”
“Look. We may not be able to change the voters overnight. But we can sure as hell accelerate the process, by granting citizenship to the Democratic voters of tomorrow,” adding “without it, the Democratic party has no hope in hell of surviving past the next twenty years.”
Sitting in a corner booth in the lounge of a Chinese restaurant in suburban Washington D.C., after a few lines of coke, a few tabs of MDMA, a few injections of sodium pentathol, and a fresh round of drinks–mistakenly assuming he was speaking off the record–the senior White House official ventured further.
“Democracy is a means to an end. You need it, temporarily, to get your party in power. Once you do that, you have the tools to undermine it, a stage at a time. Not all at once. Otherwise, people catch on.”
“Look. Our opponents are at a disadvantage, because they’re all hung up on ‘playing by the rules’. You know, the constitution, rule of law, separation of powers, all that idealistic, parchment-paper 18th-century crap. We’re not interested in ‘rules’, and ‘laws’. They are a barrier to our goal of accumulating power. That’s how the big boys did it, before the American revolution.”
Loosening his tie, and looking over his shoulder to make sure we wouldn’t be interrupted, the campaign official leaned forward, and revealed his strategy.
“Here’s the deal. Obama told us he wanted to change as much of the country’s immigration laws as he could unilaterally. We said, ‘we can deliver’. Sure, there will lawsuits. Threats. Civil unrest. Republicans will be royally pissed off. But the president assured us that pissing off Republicans is personally more important to him than policy success. More important than economic success, social equality, campaign promises, any of that. More important even than the survival of the Unites States. As long as the Democratic party survives, that’s all that matters. We agreed, and told him, ‘we an make that happen.’ Unilaterally”.
“That’s the key word. Unilaterally”, said the White House official. The campaign official concurred.
“Autocratic leaders, dictators, monarchs, despots, crackpots, strong men, that’s historically how things got done. The unchallenged power of one man. Democracy is a means to an end. You need it, temporarily, to get your party in power. Once you do that, you have the tools to undermine it, a stage at a time. Not all at once. Otherwise, people catch on.”
“Give him your pen”. The White House official said. I complied. Drawing a diagram on a cocktail napkin, the Democratic party official explained further.
“Look, you got the Justice department, the NSA, the FBI, Homeland Security, the IRS. You keep the Senate, Congress, in the dark. Oversight committees, you can ignore. Fuck ’em. By the time they catch on, it’s too late, they’re powerless. What are they gonna do, sue us?” He wadded up the napkin, and threw it in the ashtray.
Everyone at the booth laughed. Setting the cocktail napkin on fire with a cigarette lighter, extinguishing it with his bare hand, then pouring bourbon in it, the campaign official boasted,
“They’ll be tied up in courts for years, they’re powerless, too. Sure, the agencies that protect the country will be overburdened, to the point of collapse. So what? We have tactical units, special forces, armed drones. Not to mention the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, limitless ammunition…but you don’t even need that, the police powers we’ve granted ourselves are more than adequate to protect our interests. ”
“You mean, the interests of the country”, I corrected him.
He responded, laughing, “Yeah, right”.
Rolling ice around in his empty drinking glass, he said “that’s not a recording device, is it?” I nodded.
Leaning toward the voice recorder, he whispered,
“We’re gonna shove amnesty up Americ’s ass, whether America likes it or not.”
Putting my pen in his shirt pocket, straightening his tie, he concluded,
“Put that in your article”.
Unable to resist, he flashed a smile, and struck a mock-patriotic pose, gesturing with his middle finger as he stood up.
“The ‘interests of the country’, sure, believe whatever makes you feel safe, buddy.”
Leaving the bar tab unpaid, my drinking companions left.
Though my fictional interview concluded prematurely, I was fortunate to have an opportunity to make backup copies of my imaginary notes, and secured verifiable copies of the fictional voice recording, in case questions arose about the imaginary line between reality and satire.
According to a report by Breitbart.com‘s Tony Lee, Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) has said that Obama promised the Congressional Hispanic Caucus that he would enact significant executive actions to stop the “deportation of our people,” and he estimated that as many as 5 million more illegal immigrants could get amnesty.
- Democrat Brags Amnesty Will Create 4-5 MILLION New Democrat Voters (alipac.us)
- “Voter ID’s Last Stand”: Let’s Finally Declare Laws What They Are – Racist On Purpose (mykeystrokes.com)
- Has Obama Trapped Himself? (dailycaller.com)
- The Phone and Pen President (nationalreview.com)
- This Day in History… Republicans Pass Anti-KKK Act – Outlawing Democratic Terrorist Groups (thegatewaypundit.com)
- Chris McDaniel: We’ve Found 1,000 Illegal Votes in One MS County Alone (Video) (thegatewaypundit.com)
- Obama Uses First Person Singular 199 TIMES in Speech Vowing Unilateral Action (punditfromanotherplanet.com)
- Breaking: McDaniel Finds 8,300 Questionable Ballots – Plans Wednesday News Conference (thegatewaypundit.com)
- Obama appoints anti-voter ID Dem to co-lead voter commission (dailycaller.com)
- WaPo: Walsh fumbling post-plagiarism scandal (hotair.com)