— Pundit Planet (@punditfap) March 16, 2015
EXCLUSIVE: WEAPONIZED COFFEE DELIVERY SYSTEM SEEN IN MAJOR U.S. CITY
(SEATTLE) Spotted near a public market, August 24, 2014. Parked, unattended. Reports that it transports containers of psychoactive chemicals, powerful stimulants commonly found in high-grade roasted coffee beans, though unconfirmed, are currently under investigation.
“Based on the estimated storage size, I wouldn’t underestimate the payload of a vehicle like this.”
— Unnamed State Department Official
According to our analysis, a truck this size this could give an entire urban neighborhood — perhaps even an entire city — a full-scale nervous breakdown.
“The potential neurological affects on an unsuspecting population are enormous. If this armoried vehicle is filled with containers of rich, dark-roasted, military-grade caffeinated material, we would very much like to have a sample, so our lab can analyze it,” said Senior chemical Lt. Jack McGuffin.
Local law enforcement agencies neither confirmed or denied knowledge of militarized coffee delivery vehicles. The Department of Homeland Security declined to comment. Further research indicates that this truck is owned and operated by Motofish Coffee Company. We sent a reporter to investigate, with instructions to collect samples, and pick up donuts on the way back. Read the rest of this entry »
Is it polite to offer your horse a coffee, too? It might improve the horsepower…
“…The latest ride Dancer and I embarked on was a trek from North Barr Road into Sequim to go through the drive-through at Starbucks. This was the first time I have ever ordered a coffee at Starbucks on horseback. In total there were five riders going…” Read the rest of this entry »
Simon Makin reports: Coffee has long been a friend of students working through the night, but it does more than just keep us awake. A study provides the first convincing evidence that caffeine enhances long-term memory in people – provided the dose is right.
The effects mirror similar results seen in honeybees, where a boost to memory from caffeine-laden nectar may help bees return to certain plants.
Researchers strongly suspected that caffeine enhances memory, but studies that tried to show this in people weren’t conclusive, as any apparent benefits in memory could have been due to increased attention, a known benefit of caffeine.
Studies in animals such as rats, meanwhile, suggested that it enhances memory consolidation – the process of strengthening memories between acquiring them and retrieving them – which should affect long-term memory.