Please Don‘t Shut Down The Government, Democrats, Because That Would Be Awful (Not) 

What a tragedy it would be if Democrats made good on their threat and decided DACA was so important that they must shut down the federal government over it.

Kurt Schlichter writes: What a tragedy it would be if Democrats made good on their threat and decided DACA was so important that they must shut down the federal government over it. Please don’t! Why, I’d be heartbroken if the government did less and a bunch of foreigners didn’t get rewarded for ignoring our laws. I think this is just the right hill for the Democrats to choose to fight to the death on, and I encourage them to do so. Throw us right in that briar patch, because you are smart and savvy and there’s no way a big dummy like Trump could beat you and make you look like fools.


You remember DACA? It’s an acronym that stands for “That Thing Democrats Want To Use To Fill The Voter Rolls With Foreigners And GOP Donors Want To Use To Get More Serfs To Work For Peanuts While Actual Americans Get Shafted And Called ‘Racist’ If They Dare Complain.” The Democrats desperately want DACA because you Normal people have let them down and voted for your own interests rather than in the way Nancy Pelosi instructed you. Bad, bad electorate! You definitely need to be replaced.

[Read the full story here, at TownHall]

The GOP wants it because its big money donors want it because you actual Americans demand to be treated with respect by your employers and, well, paying Americans what they’re worth is bad for business. And the Senate GOP Sissy Caucus of sanctimonious twits wants it because it gives them a chance to pose and preen and pretend to have the moral high ground over those wicked evil bad bad bad Republicans who want to do what actual Republican voters want done instead of being guided by the eccentric moral compass that Jeff Flake keeps inside himself right next to his head.

The “Schumerhole” controversy arose because Donald Trump indicated that giving Big Amnesty everything it wanted, and in return allowing him to totally alienate his base, was a bad deal. Read the rest of this entry »


‘There Are More Than Two Genders,’ Tortured Employee Forced To Say In Darkened Room At Google Headquarters


MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In a darkened room labeled “101” deep within Google’s Mountain View headquarters, an outed conservative employee was forced to say there are more than two genders after a long period of torture.

The man was tortured for hours, arguing the objective reality of two genders, being told he was “mentally deranged” and suffering from “a defective worldview” before finally giving in.

“Do you remember writing in an email that there are only two genders?” he was asked while strapped to a table. “What if Google says there are three?”

“How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? Two genders are two genders!” the man cried through tears as his torturer, a Google project lead, held up a picture of a man and a woman, according to surveillance footage.

“Sometimes. Sometimes there are two. Sometimes there are three. Sometimes there are any number of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane,” the project lead replied coldly before administering another round of electric shocks into the man’s brains. Read the rest of this entry »

Standing Up to Sexism: Iliza Shlesinger Sued Over Women’s Only Comedy Show 

Tyler McCarthy reports: Former “Last Comic Standing” winner Iliza Shlesinger is reportedly being sued after hosting a comedy show in Los Angeles that didn’t allow men to attend. Now, she’s facing rhetoric likening one man’s incident to the Civil Rights movement.

The Hollywood Reporter obtained legal documents in which a man named George St. George alleges he purchased two tickets to the comedian’s Nov. 13 show, titled “Girls Night In WIth Iliza — No Boys Allowed.” When he arrived to pick them up at will call, he was told that he would have to sit in the back of the theater because of his gender. He and a friend went to get food and, when they returned, were told that Shlesinger and the theater had decided that no men would be admitted to the show, and they were offered a refund for their ticket.

“Girls’ Night In is a hybrid stand up show and interactive discussion between Iliza and the women in the audience aimed at giving women a place to vent in a supportive, fun and inclusive environment,” the event’s description reads. “She invites women of all walks of life to come, laugh with her and at her and be ready to share and feel safe for an awesome night of comedy and love.” Read the rest of this entry »

The Dead Parrot Flaccid Penis Caper: ‘It’s Garry Shandling’s Show’ Writer Janis Hirsch

Comedy Writer Reveals Lurid Details of Harassment on Set — and Why It Cost Her a Job.

Janis Hirsch writes: In 1986, after only three or four years in Los Angeles, Garry Shandling called to offer me a job on his new show. I don’t remember how I knew Garry well enough for him to call me, but whenever I’d run into him at Hugo’s, we’d share a laugh or two, and once he asked me if I could help him find a snake man. Even though I lived in a snake-free condo, I found him one. And not to brag, but this was before Google.

Anyway, he offered me a job on Showtime’s It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, and even though all I knew was the title, that was enough for me. It started out as a lot of fun. A bunch of cool, smart guys and me working on a show where Garry didn’t just break the fourth wall but rode around behind it in a golf cart.

Once we got on the air, we were golden. I was, at any rate; I wrote two of first six episodes, both of which got a nice write-up in the L.A. Times, both of which said nice things about me, the writer, the only woman on staff. What could possibly go wrong?

The guys started excluding me from meetings: “Oh, we couldn’t find you”…at my desk. Then they started excluding me from the table, instead assigning me “the slit scenes” to write. Even though these scenes were the ones that featured the only female castmember, it didn’t occur to me exactly what slit they were referring to until one day in the ladies room.

[Read the full story here, at Hollywood Reporter]

My mantra became, “I won’t cry until I get home.” It was amended to “I won’t cry until I get into the parking lot,” which became “I won’t cry until I get into the stairwell,” which morphed into “Fuck, I’m crying.’

One day, I was sitting in Garry’s office across the desk from him. A few of the writers and one of the actors were in the room, too. I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned, and there was that actor’s flaccid penis draped on it like a pirate’s dead parrot. Riotous laughter ensued from all but one of us. Read the rest of this entry »

Introducing: The Woody Allen Center for Sexual Health & Rehabilitation


[VIDEO] Bloodthirsty Zombie Democrats Turn Up The Rhetoric!

[VIDEO] Jimmy Kimmel Punks United Airlines With Fake Ad


Jimmy Kimmel made a fake United Airlines ad in response to Sunday’s incident on the airlines, in which a passenger was dragged off a plane.

Jimmy Kimmel did not hold back Monday evening regarding the viral video depicting a United Airlines passenger being dragged off a flight after it was overbooked.

The late-night host began by asking his audience who flew from out of town to come see his show, eliciting an unsurprisingly loud uproar from the crowd.

“I’m glad none of you were yanked off the plane,” he continued as he transitioned into a breakdown of what exactly happened in the United Airlines incident. Kimmel explained that United employees chose four passengers to remove from the flight since it was overbooked, and the airline needed to give seats to its employees. One man refused to leave, saying he was a doctor and needed to get to the hospital to attend to his patients in the morning. He was forcibly dragged out of the plane. Read the rest of this entry »

[VIDEO] Don Rickles Goes Nuts at Ronald Reagan’s 2nd Inaugural, 1985


[VIDEO] Louis CK: The President Called Me… 



[VIDEO] NBC Thinks NBC Is Hilarious 



BREAKING: President Trump Issues 3rd in a Series of Executive Headline Corrections

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[VIDEO] Greg Gutfeld: It’s Trump vs. Everyone Who’s Scared of Trump




Self-Parody: The New Yorker Succumbs to Romantic Melodrama


“Under more ordinary circumstances, the cover of our Anniversary Issue—marking 92 years—would feature some version of the monocled dandy Eustace Tilley.

This year, as a response to the opening weeks of the Trump Administration, particularly the executive order on immigration, we feature John W. Tomac’s dark, unwelcoming image, ‘Liberty’s Flameout.’”

Source: The New Yorker


New Yorker editorial staff meeting

President Obama Laughs with Aides on Air Force OnelaughingSupremeIran's President Hassan Rouhani laughs as he speaks during an event hosted by the Council on Foreign Relations and the Asia Society in New York, September 26, 2013. REUTERS/Keith Bedford ( Who's laughing now?Obama-pointing-laughing

[VIDEO] Captain Kirk Meets Ashley Judd 



[VIDEO] SUPERCUTS: Nancy Pelosi: This Girl is on Fire!



[VIDEO] REWIND ‘Frederick Douglass’: Drunk History Vol. 5, with Will Ferrell, Don Cheadle & Zooey Deschanel



[VIDEO] VIRAL! The Netherlands Welcomes Trump in His Own Words



[VIDEO] Death Metal Remix of Anti-Trump Protesters Screams



[VIDEO] Gutfeld: ‘SNL’ Tribute to Obama is Show’s Greatest Joke


[VIDEO] Gutfeld: A Message to the Trump Protesters 



[VIDEO] SUPERCUTS! Comedians Mock Trump for Same Things Obama Does



[VIDEO] Louis CK: Russia Is Very Crazy Place

‘I’m Not in the Habit of Quoting Joseph Stalin’

[VIDEO] REWIND: SNL Chevy Chase Classic ‘Generalissimo Francisco Franco is Still Dead’ 




[VIDEO] SNL: ‘The Bubble’

‘Where Life Continues for Progressive Americans as if the Election Never Happened’



[VIDEO] Remy: Hallelujah (SNL Parody)



[VIDEO] Louis C.K.’s Rules for Success: ‘When You Have Bacon in Your Mouth, it Doesn’t Matter Who the President is’



[VIDEO] Consider It Done! John Oliver in 2013 on The Daily Show





[VIDEO] REWIND: Best of Late-Night Jokes Mocking Obamacare




[VIDEO] Post #ComedyCentralRoast Disaster, Let’s REWIND, Old-School: Don Rickles 1969




BREAKING: Trump Delivers Eulogy As Republican Party Formally Laid To Rest

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CLEVELAND, OH—Beginning his time on stage Thursday evening by asking attendees to join hands as he called for a moment of silence, Donald Trump proceeded to deliver a solemn eulogy of the Republican Party to cap off the 2016 Republican National Convention.

“We gather here tonight, first of all, to pay our respects, and to lay to rest the Grand Old Party, gone from us at age 162,” he said. “Since a great man, Abraham Lincoln, was the first Republican President, it only seems fitting that an even greater man, Donald J. Trump—me—officially bid it farewell, and see it off to the eternal campaign in the sky.” Read the rest of this entry »

[VIDEO] OH YES THEY DID: Daily Show Tries to Intimidate Cameraman From Filming Them as They Film ‘Ambush’ Segments



via AceOfSpades

CASE CLOSED: CNN’s ‘Reality Check’ Conclusively Exonerates Hillary Clinton


“I blame Hillary Clinton personally for the death of my son. Personally, in an email to her daughter, Hillary Clinton blamed it on—shortly after the attack—terrorism, but when I saw Hillary Clinton, she lied to me and then called me a liar. Since then, I have repeatedly asked Hillary Clinton to ask [for] the real reason why my son is dead. I’m still waiting. Whenever I call the State Department, no one would speak to me because they say I am not a member of the immediate family… Sean was my son. Hillary Clinton is a woman, a mother, a grandmother of two. I am a woman, a mother, and a mother of two. How could she do this to me? How could she do this to any American family? Donald Trump is everything Hillary Clinton is not… He is blunt, direct, and strong. He speaks his mind and his heart. And when it comes to the threat posed by radical Islamic terrorism, he will not hesitate to kill the terrorist who threaten American lives…. He will make America stronger, not weaker… This entire campaign comes down to a single question: If Hillary Clinton can’t give us the truth, why should we give her the presidency?”

Jerry Seinfeld: ‘Every Day I Am Carsick’


‘I am forced to drive all over the world and I become so dizzy and carsick that I can’t help but blast the car’s horn while puke rockets out of my mouth and breaks through he windshield like a geyser eruption.’

Please help me. Every day I am dragged screaming from my home and stuffed into a gorgeous car that costs a million dollars and I am forced to drive forever in nauseating circles while one of my loud comedian friends screams at me. It is Hell. It is a true misery to be Jerry Seinfeld. Every day I am carsick.

I do not want to be in the cars. The cars are my prison. Every moment that I am in the beautiful fancy cars is nauseous agony for me. While I lie sleeping in my bed, strong hands grab me by the head and they shove me into the driver’s seat of the most beautiful car I have ever seen and I’m not allowed to leave. I am forced to drive all over the world and I become so dizzy and carsick that I can’t help but blast the car’s horn while puke rockets out of my mouth and breaks through he windshield like a geyser eruption. This is no way for Jerry Seinfeld to live…(read more)

Source: ClickHole

Obama’s I.Q. Challenged in GOP Debate


[PHOTO] The Munsters, 1964


[VIDEO] REWIND: Green Police Audi Ad

‘The Cheese Of Truth Vs The Daily Mail’

[VIDEO] Penn Jillette on Being Offended: Outtake from ‘Can We Take A Joke?’ 

Monkey Buys a Drink from a Vending Machine