Exclusive: Melissa Harris-Perry Admits to Using Racial-Detection Hardware Assistance Devices, For Knowing When Stuff is Racist
Posted: February 1, 2014 Filed under: Humor, Mediasphere, Politics, The Butcher's Notebook | Tags: Black History Month, Daily Caller, Harris-Perry, Melissa Harris-Perry, MSNBC, Racism, University of Michigan, White people 4 CommentsRobby Soave reports:
At a recent forum at the University of Michigan, MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry explained to her audience that white people will never understand why things are racist, because they lack an innate “racial trigger,” that instantly tells them when to be outraged.
Harris-Perry, on the other hand, has a very finely-tuned racial trigger.
Sometimes Harris-Perry’s innate racial trigger doesn’t work at all, she conceded, privately, to an undercover reporter allied with Punditfromanotherplanet’s media bureau. Other times, Harris-Perry said, her sixth sense isn’t sensitive enough to detect racism at levels below .04%, (MSNBC policy requires detection at microscopic .0002 % levels) so enhancements are required, to boost otherwise invisible signals.
Punditfromanotherplanet has learned that Ms. Harris-Perry employs additional detection assistance, from miniature electronics, with on-board hardware and software analysis systems, discreetly embedded in her jewelry, clothing, or hair.
For our exclusive report, an inside source captured Harris-Perry explaining her earring detection system to a colleague. Harris-Perry reportedly said,
“These earrings–which only appear to be ordinary tampons–actually contain miniaturized micro-processor cartridges, with AMPC, advanced-motivation-parsing-capability, that can detect racist signals, analyze the data, and pass the results into my earpiece, alerting me to barely-detectable low-flying hateful statements, and amplify racially questionable comments”
Since wearing tampon cartridge detectors on her earlobes, and other customized feminine protection products as jewelry, isn’t convenient, or practical (that was just a stunt, she explained, though Harris-Perry admitted she occasionally wears them at home, too) having multiple devices and multiple secret locations for the devices helps her spot hidden racist intentions, comments, and otherwise undetectable shadings.
“Sometimes I wear a detection device inside my bra. I have them custom made, with exquisite fabrics, and bluetooth capability, to communicate racial and social analysis wirelessly. The bra, too, is wireless, and is really supportive, both physically and emotionally”
Harris-Perry reportedly employs signal-amplyfing technology concealed in her clothing not only during professional and academic appearances, but also in casual social situations, not just when she’s on the air. “It’s made me a better person”, she said.
Your Kids Aren’t Your Own
Posted: April 10, 2013 Filed under: Mediasphere | Tags: Harris-Perry, Melissa Harris-Perry, MSNBC, Parenting, Phil Gramm, Rich Lowry, Tulane University, University of Chicago Leave a comment
Harris-Perry set out to explain what is, by her lights, the failure to invest adequately in public education. She located the source of the problem in the insidious idea of parental responsibility for children.
“We’ve always had kind of a private notion of children,” she said, in the tone of an anthropologist explaining a strange practice she discovered when out doing far-flung fieldwork. “Your kid is yours and totally your responsibility.” So long as this retrograde conception prevails, according to Harris-Perry, we will never spend enough money on children. “We have to break through,” she urged, “our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes once wondered, “Why can’t somebody give us a list of things that everybody thinks and nobody says, and another list of things that everybody says and nobody thinks?” Harris-Perry’s contribution falls into the former category, at least within her orbit of left-wing academia (she teaches at Tulane University, after stops at Princeton and the University of Chicago) and journalism (she writes a column for The Nation as well as holding forth on MSNBC).
“We have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families.”
Her statement wasn’t an aside on live television. She didn’t misspeak. The spot was shot, produced, and aired without, apparently, raising any alarm bells. No one with influence raised his or her hand and said, “Should we really broadcast something that sounds so outlandish?”
The foundation of the Harris-Perry view is that society is a large-scale kibbutz. The title of Hillary Clinton’s bestseller in the 1990s expressed the same point in comforting folk wisdom: “It Takes a Village.”
As the ultimate private institution, the family is a stubborn obstacle to the great collective effort. Insofar as people invest in their own families, they are holding out on the state and unacceptably privileging their own kids over the children of others. These parents are selfish, small-minded, and backward. “Once it’s everybody’s responsibility,” Harris-Perry said of child-rearing, “and not just the households, then we start making better investments.”
This impulse toward the state as über-parent is based on a profound fallacy and a profound truth. The fallacy is that anyone can care about someone else’s children as much as his own. The former Texas Republican senator Phil Gramm liked to illustrate the hollowness of professions to the contrary with a story. He told a woman, “My educational policies are based on the fact that I care more about my children than you do.” She said, “No, you don’t.” Gramm replied, “Okay: What are their names?”
The truth is that parents are one of society’s most incorrigible sources of inequality. If you have two of them who stay married and are invested in your upbringing, you have hit life’s lottery. You will reap untold benefits denied to children who aren’t so lucky. That the family is so essential to the well-being of children has to be a constant source of frustration to the egalitarian statist, a reminder of the limits of his power.
The socialist president of France, François Hollande, proposed a small corrective to its influence last year. He inveighed against homework for schoolchildren. Work, he said, “must be done in the [school] facility rather than in the home if we want to support the children and reestablish equality.” His education minister explained that the state should “support all students in their personal work, rather than abandon them to their private resources, including financial, as is too often the case today.”
The proposal went nowhere. If the Left wants to equalize the investments in children that matter most, it should promote intact families and engaged parents, even if it means embracing shockingly old-fashioned private child-rearing.
— Rich Lowry is the editor of National Review. He can be reached via e-mail: comments.lowry@nationalreview.com. © 2013 King Features Syndicate