[VIDEO] ‘Sometimes, at Night, Do You Still Hear Them, Clarice? The Screaming of the Christies?’

Chris Christie’s Wordless Screaming

Alexandra Petri writes: I believe that Donald Trump was talking, tonight, and that he, in fact, held an entire press conference. But it was impossible to hear him over Chris Christie’s eyes.

“His were the eyes of a man who has gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back, and then he endorsed the abyss.”

Chris Christie spent the entire speech screaming wordlessly. I have never seen someone scream so loudly without using his mouth before. It would have been remarkable if it had not been so terrifying.

Sometimes, at night, do you still hear them, Clarice? The screaming of the Christies?

His were the eyes of a man who has gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back, and then he endorsed the abyss.

It was not a thousand-yard stare. That would understate the vast and impenetrable distance it encompassed.

“He had the eyes of a man who has looked into the heart of light, the silence. A man who had seen the moment of his greatness flicker, and seen the eternal footman hold his coat, and snicker.”

He looked as if he had seen a ghost and the ghost had made him watch Mufasa die again. Read the rest of this entry »

‘I Ate His Liver, With Some Fava Beans’

Sociopath Valentine Candy


Rachael Ray’s Horrifying Descent into Cannibalism: Cooks, Eats Joe Biden’s Skin

biden-head2ABC’s Rachael Ray hosted Vice President Joe Biden for a pre-taped interview which was planned to be aired on Monday March 31. In what was meant to be a cheerful televised interview to help promote Obamacare, Ray shocked the studio audience by announcing that she was going to cook and eat Joe Biden, because his skin looked so perfect, and delicious.

“…The most glowing, perfect skin of any person I’ve ever seen…”

Law enforcement officials have seized the tape of the broadcast, and are holding it for evidence. The FBI, the Justice Department, and the Secret Service are all declining to comment. Joe Biden’s family has also declined to comment, pending the investigation. Details of what happened are unclear, but this much is known, according to witnesses who were in the studio:

Ray began the segment by beaming that Biden had “The most glowing, perfect skin of any person I’ve ever seen” before telling the Vice President “I really want to know what moisturizer you use. I love moisturizers, my husband is a moisturizer as well. Would you tell me what moisturizer you use?”

Then she shocked her studio audience by calling for two bodyguards, who restrained Biden, moved him into the middle of the studio, opened a panel on the floor, then violently threw the Vice President into a deep well.

Ray then began taunting Biden, as he tried helplessly to claw his way out of the hole. Many horrified audience members headed for the exits, trying to get out of the studio, only to find the doors locked. Ray laughed, and lowered a basket of skin care products into the well.

“It puts lotion on its skin…”

Ray said, then instructed Biden to strip naked and apply the moisturizing lotion to his entire body. The Vice President’s screams were were so upsetting to audience members, Rachel Ray and her staff rushed to proceed with the cooking project she had planned.

Read the rest of this entry »

Top 20 Horror Films of the Past 20 Years

The IMDb Editors’ Top Horror films list is based upon the overall importance, impact and popularity these scary movies have enjoyed for the past 20 years.
MV5BMTQ2NzkzMDI4OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDA0NzE1NA@@._V1._SX140_CR0,0,140,209_It’s a good list. The Editors include this qualifier: “Note that “Top” does not mean “Best” and after some spine-tingling discussion, we came up with the following rankings…”  It’s fun to make lists like this. And useful when checking out Netflix for ideas for what to watch in October.
The Sixth Sense, at #2, showed so much promise for director M. Night Shyamalan, who never quite overcame the curse of that first success. Jonathan Demme‘s wonderful The Silence of the Lambs has the IMDB’s editors’ top spot, though I consider it more of a thriller, rather than a horror movie, it is an enduring classic in either category. It’s Jody Foster‘s best film role, ever. Certainly her most iconic, indelible adult performance. Anthony Hopkins created one of the top five most frightening homicidal characters in modern movie history. Not paralleled until Heath Ledger, I think. The list includes other classics, such as ScreamZodiacThe RingJu-on: The GrudgeAmerican PsychoSe7en, and more.
let-the-right-one-in5-5-10My personal favorite? Let the Right One In. It’s a masterpiece. The most original story, and characters. More than just a horror movie, it’s a chilling work of art. Every frame, beautifully composed. Lina Leandersson‘s performance is exquisite. Not the remake. If you’ve passed over it because of the subtitles, reconsider, it’s a gem.