Mini-revolver hidden inside arrested Tennessee teen
NOVEMBER 19–The Tennessee woman who had a loaded gun hidden in her vagina when she was booked into jail last year has pleaded guilty to an assortment of criminal charges that will cost her several years in prison, court records show.
“Following Archer’s arrest, a TSG reporter broke the news to Souther that his revolver had been stashed inside Archer. ‘Oh, gosh,’ Souther said. He added that while he wanted “the little fellow” returned, the revolver would need ‘a bath in bleach.'”
Dallas Archer, 21, is scheduled to be sentenced today for introducing contraband into a penal facility, a felony for which she will serve a three-year prison term, according to a plea agreement.
Archer, seen above, has also copped to vandalism and failure to appear charges, the sentences for which will be served consecutively following the completion of the custodial term for the contraband count. She will also have to pay about $1000 in fines.
The Kingsport resident was arrested last April (when she was 19) for driving with a suspended license. As Archer was being booked into the local lockup, a female jailer searching the suspect “located an unknown item in her crotch,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
Archer was then accompanied by the jailer and a female cop to a bathroom, where the investigators discovered that the teenager had a loaded handgun concealed in her vagina. After the pistol was “recovered,” cops determined that it was a .22 caliber North American Arms mini-revolver (which can hold five rounds).
A police check determined that the four-inch gun had been stolen in 2013 from an automobile owned by John Souther, a Kingsport resident.
2014: The Lady Parts Election Cycle
For The Federalist, Rich Cromwell writes:
Robin Williams joked that “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” When it comes to politics, the Lena Dunhams, Cosmopolitans, and ladypartsjustice.coms want to overlook the humor of that joke and make the female equivalent the focal point of their politicized lives. Lady Parts Justice lays out the skinny:
5 REASONS TO JOIN LADY PARTS JUSTICE
- Because women decide elections and if we get together, blow this shit up in a smart and funny way, we just may be able to get folks to sit up, take action and reverse this erosion of rights.
- Because neanderthal politicians are spending all their time making laws that put YOUR body squarely into THEIR hands.
- Because extremist goon squads exist in EVERY statehouse in America and are sneaking in tons of creepy legislation. We’re staying on top of this shit so you can stay on top this shit.
- Because you use birth control.
- Because you like sex and it’s not all about having babies. Think about it, if it were there would be no room to stand.
“[Voting] is how you keep sexist health care policies from happening.” What is sexist health care? It’s comparable to pornography—difficult to define, but they know it when they see it. Dunham also took to Instagram, with the help of friends, to talk about Planned Parenthood. Cosmo, meanwhile, is less focused on lady parts and more focused on Latinas and how sexist policies affect their lady parts. They also have a party bus, which is somehow related. No word on whether it will offer alcohol and affirmative consent forms.
“As a man, I’m probably not supposed to have an opinion on this, but I totally do. As a father of daughters, I’m actually quite opinionated on the matter. Whereas I get to make decisions based on a whole raft of factors, apparently I’m supposed to teach my daughters to ask only one question: How will this affect your vagina?”
When we mash all these things together, I’m reminded of a useful literary tool.
Synecdoche—noun \sə-ˈnek-də-(ˌ)kē\: a figure of speech by which a part is put for the whole (as fifty sail for fifty ships), the whole for a part (as society for high society), the species for the genus (as cutthroat for assassin), the genus for the species (as a creature for a man), or the name of the material for the thing made (as boards for stage).
Despite its uses in writing and storytelling, though, it’s no way to live life. And that’s why the Robin Williams’ joke came to mind. Sure, it’s all about rallying female voters, but it seems women have forgotten they have other organs; that the only one that matters is the vagina and how they get to use it. Don’t get me wrong—I love the vagina, too. It’s definitely high on my unwritten list of favorite organs.
“That was a tough story for me to read, I just wanted you to know that.”
“Lab-grown vaginas.” I defy you not to giggle just a little at that. And yes, it’s a real thing, lab-grown vaginal organs were successfully implanted in four teenage girls. A big victory for science! But a very awkward story to cover on the local news. WGN Morning News anchor Robin Baumgarten did her best to power through the story, keeping a straight face as she did a report where the word vagina was used twice.
After the brief report, she remarked, “That was a tough story for me to read, I just wanted you to know that.” In came co-anchor Larry Potash, cracking wise and asking her if saying “coochie-coo” would have made it easier to get through.