New Apple Watch Allows Wearers to Start and Stop the Flow of Time

apple watch humor

Tim Cook announced Tuesday the release of Apple’s long-rumored watch, the latest in wearable technology. 

Here are some features of the new device:

  • 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
  • Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
  • Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
  • Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company
  • Adjustable ticking volume
  • All the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours
  • Built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation
  • Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
  • Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device
  • Another screen to throw into your current rotation of things you look at

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Why Apple Is in No Hurry to Release a Smartwatch

Pebble, MetaWatch, i'm Watch, Sony

Pebble, MetaWatch, i’m Watch, Sony

If you keep up with the tech news these days, you know that wearable computing is all the rage. Research firm Gartner projects that wearable smart electronics will be a $10 billion industry by 2016.

Smartwatches started us down this path but it was the announcement of Google Glass that really caught the market’s attention and piqued people’s interest in this new category of wearable computers.

While Google’s Glass project is pretty cool, it’s not going to be a serious product for the mass consumer market anytime soon. In fact, most technologies like this get adopted within vertical business markets first and over time, as the technology gets perfected and costs come down, they eventually get the apps and prices that appeal to a more consumer-centric market. Read the rest of this entry »